Alone
by Songwind
Summary: Xellos' POV, angsty, spoilers. What Xellos may have been thinking about during the very end of Slayers TRY. At least what I think he was thinking. ^_^ Please let me know what you think- my 1st Slayers ficcy.


Alone  
OK, I just want to warn everyone this is all spoilers for Slayers Try. This is from Xellos' point of view, and he's gonna be a bit out of character, so please don't try and point that out to me in a review (should you bother to do so). Also, this doesn't show EXACTLY what happens, just a general idea. I'll be focusing on only a couple parts. Angsty kind of fic. Hope you like it!  
  
I glance around in a curious manner as Zelgadis uses a spell with one of Darkstar's weapons. It works, and very well, apparently, as the creature from the other world shrieks in surprised pain.  
  
Pain... sometimes I wonder what that must really feel like...  
  
"Hey, that worked!" Lina says in surprise. She glances around. "Alright, let's all use magic with the weapons! Amelia, help Zel! Filia, go help out Gourry. If worse comes to worst, I'll try a Giga Slave."  
  
"Right!" the two named race off.  
  
I wasn't really surprised that she hadn't thought about me getting help. After all, I'd never asked for her help, and she probably wasn't in the best mood with me right then since I took the final weapon for myself, but hey, I was under orders to take care of things. What else was I supposed to do, sit there and twiddle my thumbs while Lina and that god duked it out? Hell no. With little time left, that was just about the only option, to knock her out like that and leave.  
  
And yet...  
  
It sort of hurts, being ignored like this. It's not physical pain- I don't really feel that as something unpleasant, since mazoku don't react to things like humans do... but there's a strange ache in me that seems to ebb whenever I notice... how they all seem to ignore me.  
  
True, I have been sort of distant and a little superior. I come and go as I please, talk as I please, help when it helps my own mission, but... I glance around again, and note the look in everyone's eyes as they glance at each other. Filia and Gourry sharing a gleam in their eye as they begin the spell-attack. Amelia putting her hand oh-so-gently on Zelgadis' as they prepare their attacks. Lina's look as she glances around at her friends. All of them shared the same look in their eyes.  
  
'I trust you,' they say. 'I'll be there for you.'  
  
Another pang of the strange feeling hits me, but I shrug it off. After all, I shouldn't really give. Mazoku didn't give about what humans or any other race thought or felt. They carried out missions for themselves to destroy the world. Or rather, in my case, save it so we could destroy it ourselves.  
  
So ironic, saving a world we're going to destroy eventually.  
  
I wonder, for a moment, as we all prepare to attack, what it felt like to share that sort of trusting feeling. One mazoku couldn't really trust another, not even their superiors. Sure, they were loyal, but not entirely trusting. Other mazoku of equal and lower rank want you out of the way so they can rise, and the higher snub you for being so much lower, less important than them. Friendship doesn't matter to a mazoku.  
  
Or rather, it shouldn't.   
  
I shake my head, clearing my mind, as the creature makes his way out of the Gate and, surprisingly, flies away after we deal some attacks. Filia quickly turns into her dragon form and everyone hops on. She flies off after it. I shrug and phase out-  
  
-and phase in.   
  
After a few more interesting episodes in which we try to fight the creature, it turns into Valgaav, who everyone seemed to assume was killed when he summoned Darkstar. Surprisingly, the Supreme Elder comes and attacks, and ends up dying as a result.  
  
Interesting, how such powerful creatures can be so stupid, I think.  
  
There is sympathy in Filia's eyes as she watches the spot where her former superior's ashes are being taken away by the wind, and then sadness as she turns back to Valgaav. Pity. For Valgaav?   
  
I wonder then what it would feel like to have someone feel sorry for you. To care about you. You must get some sort of satisfaction out of it, or it wouldn't happen so often in front of me. And a lot can go on in front of you when you're over a thousand human years old.  
  
And not once can I recall trusting anyone. Well, I probably naively trusted my superiors at one point, but that was cleared after a short time of being in their service. Trust is something that can get in the way of a mission, after all. And the mission of destroying a world is fairly large...  
  
Still...  
  
Valgaav's eyes widen. "You don't understand. I don't want the destruction of the world, I want it to go back to its original form!"  
  
"What...?" Filia asks, eyes wide and blank.  
  
"The war between the two races has gone on for centuries! Endlessly they fight, one side winning, and then the other, and then the first again. Can't you understand I just want to be rid of it! I want to stop this endless chain, this web, of fate! And for that to happen..." He glances at me.  
  
Something bursts inside. I feel something... uncomfortable... shooting throughout my humanlike body. I shriek in surprise, feeling something I'd never felt before. Pain... It tore at my senses, immediately blinding me, as I clutched desperately at the place where, in a human, a heart would be. My breaths come shorter, and I can't hear a word anyone's saying.  
  
That void of pain makes me wonder... Is anyone trying to help me? Does anyone care, really, what's happening to me? The pain comes even stronger. My shrieks come louder, higher, and every muscle feels like it's about to shred into millions of bits and burn into ash while I was alive to witness it. My sight is nothing but red and darkness...  
  
Then I slump onto the ground, the pain gone. I shudder, taking a deep breath, wondering what had happened. The place where a heart would be still... ached... with the pain I'd felt... and I clutched at it still, as though holding a heart would help me ease the odd feeling of being torn to pieces that much quicker.  
  
I open an eye and notice no one's moved an inch. No one's even so much as glancing my way. No one is running over asking if I'm alright. "Xellos, you OK?" they'd ask worriedly. "Do you need help?"  
  
Well, I didn't really need help after a moment- my breath came much more easily, the pain receded into nothing, and I could stand after a moment... but it would have been... well, nicer... if someone had even glanced in my direction. Even if they made some bad joke about mazoku feeling things, it would have meant they noticed I was there...  
  
I shake my head, shrugging it off again, and phase in again right by Lina when Valgaav lets out a blast of ultra-gravity. Heh, doesn't bother me. I float in the air, a blinking Lina with the final weapon in my arms. "LINA!" I say. "Use your spell!"  
  
She blinks at me again, then says, "Alright!" She aims it and chants the spell, but it doesn't seem to work. So I phase out-  
  
-and back in to let her down to the ground.  
  
Not so much as a "Nice try, Xellos." Nothing. No comments. As soon as I let her and the final weapon go, she goes and ignores me.  
  
Filia begins to mutter the prophecy at Lina, and Lina begins to understand it. I walk up to them, overhearing them.  
  
"...A single star shall come. Around the star five lights will spin. Dragons' blood will spread..."  
  
"The darkness beyond twilight is the power of a mazoku," I note when they get to that part.  
  
Understanding appears in Lina's eyes. "Well, then the brilliance beyond the dawn is the gods, right?"  
  
"Correct. So that means we'll have to summon the powers of the mazoku and gods respectively, and someone has to channel that power towards Valgaav," I say.   
  
"And that means a human," Lina finishes. "Very well." She turns and barks, "Hey, everyone! We're doing the final option! Get in a circle around me! Don't attack until I say! Xellos, you call on the power of mazoku. And Filia..."  
  
Finally someone seems to notice I'm not a useless bit of garbage, no matter what Filia may say. I fling out a hand and begin to summon. Filia stands there, muttering about how she can't do this. Lina begins shouting at her about lying down and dying, and finally Filia takes her place beside me to summon.  
  
"Made up your mind, finally?" I ask lightly.  
  
"I have nothing to say to the likes of you," she stated in a sweet-superior voice.  
  
"There's the dragon I love," I tease.  
  
She blinks, then flashes a small smile, and begins to summon herself.  
  
But...  
  
That smile... it wasn't genuine.  
  
A small pang goes through me yet again. It wasn't the reaction if it had been, say, Lina or Gourry or someone else might have gotten if they'd said anything. Instead of 'I trust you,' her eyes said, 'What are you talking about? What are you doing here?'  
  
I frown, calling upon the powers more strongly. Filia shrieks as she summons, I just stand there. Together we fuse the powers into Lina's final weapon, while she chants the strongest spell she knows.  
  
She lets go with a scream, and Valgaav, needless to say, dies...  
  
Much later, we all stand and Lina says, "That's it, we won..."  
  
"But if we did... why does it taste so bitter?" Zelgadis asks sadly. The others shrug, looking downcast.  
  
"Well, at any rate, our mission was accomplished," I state cheerfully.  
  
No one answers.  
  
I look down at everyone, clustered together in a small group, catching their breaths. I note that I'm a bit away from everyone. Even Sirius is closer to them than I am.   
  
How can someone, who's known them for such a short time, be more of a part of that group when I'm still stuck on the outside?  
  
The pang comes stronger, and I watch everyone as they start to talk about splitting up and going home. /Home.../ I think. /Back to my superiors, anyway. Mazoku have no home, they have superiors and they have missions. How quaint./  
  
And, of course, no one comes to say goodbye. They all say goodbye to each other, granted, but not to me.   
  
I wonder if I should bother trying to say goodbye, but they are already leaving. The feeling grows. I force my superior little grin and ^_^ look to stay on my face, make an 'mm' sound, and phase out-  
  
-to return to my superiors.  
  
~*~ 


End file.
